forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He shit in the fireplace
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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