on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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