True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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