dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
