This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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