Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
