people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize