So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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