You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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