Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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