Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
