You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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