its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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