You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
