1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
