After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
