apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
