I should be sponsored by Trojan
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
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