So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
