So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
