thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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