I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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