so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
