I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize