The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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