She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
