I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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