I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
