I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
