Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
