Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
