had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
