i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
