Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
