Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
