I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
