Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize