Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
