all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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