so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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