We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
