After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
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I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
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the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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