i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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