I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
