So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
My underwear smells like fireworks.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.