Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
