You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...