I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.