wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito