Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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