she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
It's never too late to be topless.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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