I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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