Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
