He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
