He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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