dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
