Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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