you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
