is your mom at the bar?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
