he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
