I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
