i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize