Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
