dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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